Undone

So many things have to be undone. It makes me feel sick to think about it.

Wedding and reception locations to cancel.
Officiants and musicians to cancel.
Caterers to cancel.
D.J. to cancel.
Gifts to return.
Registries to cancel.

Some things can't be undone.

My bridesmaids have already paid for their dresses, and can't get their money back.
We've already paid a 50% non-refundable deposit on the photographer.
My Mama has spent hours and hours making a "model" wedding dress to be sure it was perfect and exactly what I wanted. She just bought the fabric for the real dress.
There have been engagement announcements in 2 newspapers.
We've already had an engagement party and a couples shower.
There was a wedding shower planned for today, and invitations had already been sent out.

People have been so kind to offer to help me (I know my Mama and best friend would do WHATEVER I asked them to, and I am so thankful for that), and not to worry about any of it, but I feel like I should have to do it. I made this decision, now I should have to pay the consequences. I just can't seem to muster up the courage or energy to do it. Some days just getting out of bed in the morning seems like an overwhelming task.

In the midst of all of this undoing, I feel like I'm coming undone, and I'm not sure how to put myself back together.