Running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Is what I feel like at work.

But, I am thankful for a job.

Fall Fun

Some friends came over last week to have a chili-eating, pumpkin-carving party. We had a great time...here are a few pictures from the night, and of our finished products!

mine
Laura's

Laurie's

Breathe in...

...breathe out. Finally. I'm doing it again, breathing. Life is looking up. I (think I) know what I'm doing with my life, where I'm going, where I'm living, where I'm working. Although, I should know more than anyone that making plans doesn't necessarily mean anything; if it's not what God wants, He'll change your (my) plans. But, for now, this little bit of stability is enough for me.

I got some good news yesterday. I passed the NBCOT! I literally had tears in my eyes while I was checking my score online, because I was so afraid I had failed. When I saw that incredible 6-letter word....passed....I thought my heart would burst from happiness. I looked at it for a while, to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me, then jumped up and down (literally), called my mama and screamed into the phone that I PASSED!!!! I called my daddy, and he laughed, and called my grandma, and she said she wasn't surprised :) {But I certainly was!} Lindsey called (she found out her score yesterday too), and our conversation went something like this...

Phone rings...
Me: The scores are posted.
L: I know, did you check?
Me: Did you?
L: Did you?
Me: Yes, did you?
L: Yes.
Me: Did you pass?
L: Did you pass?
Me: Yes, did you?
L: Yes!
*Lots of screaming*
(This all took about 3.5 seconds...)

I went to Statesboro to have lunch with my mama, Madelyn, and my aunt and cousin. I pulled out my Chris Tomlin CD to listen to on the way, and was overwhelmed by the love I felt from our Heavenly Father. I know that there is NO way I could've passed this test without Him. This was a HUGE answered prayer. I had tears in my eyes the whole ride there, with a fresh realization that God is on my side, that He cares for me, loves me, and has my best interests at heart. The night before, as I was doing my quiet time, the book I'm using (Solo) suggested to pray and ask God to reveal Himself in a new way. I prayed this prayer, and He certainly did reveal Himself to me! I am so thankful for His kindness and love, and for all of the blessings He so generously gives.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and
You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God.

~"Indescribable," Chris Tomlin

The Fair!

Yesterday we went to the fair, and took Madelyn with us. I love the fair! We've gone every year (that I can remember) since I was a little girl. One of my earliest memories is riding on the Ferris Wheel with my Daddy...I remember closing my eyes the entire time because I was scared :) I'm not a big rider, but I love walking around and people-watching. And eating pancakes and sausage at the pancake house, of course. This year it was so sweet to carry Madelyn around and see her reaction to everything. She and her Mama rode on the Merry-Go-Round; I don't think she knew what to think about it! She also had her first taste of cotton candy...I think she liked it!

Dreams

I still dream about it. Last night, it was the day of the wedding. Guests were already arriving at the church. I was in my wedding dress. I was a wreck. I knew I was doing the wrong thing. There was no happiness, no joy, on this wedding day. Not the way it should be. I finally broke down and told my Daddy that I couldn't do it, that I didn't want to get married, that I didn't want to do the wrong thing. He immediately said that was alright, and we should go announce to the people in the church that there wouldn't be a wedding. I was relieved, but sad and upset that that was happening, that I had caused it. I was crying, wishing it was just a dream. And I woke up this morning, and it was just a dream.

Only, really it wasn't a dream. It happened. Not exactly like that, not that close to the wedding, but still, it happened.

And I still grieve over it. I still hurt for hurting others. I still ache for the pain I caused him. I am still embarrassed that I planned a wedding then called it off. I am still sorry that my parents had to deal with undoing everything that I had done. I am still grateful that my parents supported me. I am still thankful for my friends who helped me through rough times.

And I still dream about it. And I wish I didn't.